Are happiness and joy the same?

Dr. Jeanne Robertson, Ph.D., LPC, LMFT   

Dr. Jeanne is the Director of St. Paul's Center for Counseling & Education

​Joy and Happiness are frequently used interchangeably, but they are not the same. Happiness is not only something we cannot pursue directly, but it is also fleeting. It is a byproduct of what we do, think and feel. When we are in certain situations, we are more likely to be happy than in other situations – at a party or a doctor’s office. Happiness is a feeling, an emotion. 

​Happiness is a feeling, an emotion.

When we love someone, we might do something to make them happy. The perfect gift. They receive some happiness from our gift. But the feeling diminishes in time.
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Joy is also a byproduct of our choices, but it’s far more than an emotion. It’s a foundational state of being. We don’t choose joy or faith directly. Joy is an enduring attitude of the heart and spirit and a natural part of faith. It can become the grounding of our being even when we are unhappy!

Joy is a foundational state of being.

I recently heard a podcast during which the host talked about his experience of returning home after an extended trip in a distant country. It had been very hot, very dry, no running water or electricity. Upon his return home, he was amazed at his response the first time he turned on a faucet. He was elated! It was exhilarating! He smiled from ear to ear. Then the light switch! Again that happiness. But in just a few days, the new found happiness in these things wore off. He started taking them for granted again as he had before he left. So he put sticky notes on the faucet and light switch to remind him to be grateful; to help him develop an ongoing sense of gratitude.

He said we need STOP signs to help us enjoy and be grateful. When we have lost something, appreciate and become grateful for what we had. Remember, we only hurt when we’ve lost that which had been a gift in our life. Recognize the giftedness as well as the loss. And when something returns, start appreciating, becoming grateful for it anew rather than taking it for granted again. And if something or someone is always present, enjoy what and who that is.
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Can we learn to enjoy? The origin of the word enjoy actually means to give or make joy. We tend to use it as taking joy in something. The difference may seem small, but one is passive, receiving without necessarily participating. But to make or give joy is to actively engage with, to choose the experience, the attitude toward something. We have egrets and ibis and occasionally a great blue heron in the neutral grounds (medians) here in Lakeview. There are times when I see one, notice it and may smile. I receive a bit of happiness. But there are other times I enjoy the experience. I feel a sense of awe in God’s creation. This experience can last all day. It can help me participate more fully in everything I do that day. That’s a day I’m choosing to participate in joy.

Joy is a contemplative exercise or practice.

One experience is just taking in what is around me, the other is fully participating in my choice to have an attitude of joy. Joy is a fruit of the Spirit. To make joy, we must participate, choose attitudes and behaviors that produce that fruit. Ask yourself what attitudes and behaviors can help you produce more joy in your life.
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May you choose a joyful holiday season.
 
Blessings,
Dr. Jeanne